Want to annoy the crap out of others? Send one of these humble brags on FB.

1. I need a big glass of wine or maybe a bottle (haha)… I’ve been so involved in my kids school, training for my 20th marathon, having dinner parties with my friends almost every night and taking care of the kids.

2. My husband can be so annoying, he just bought me another diamond. He should be saving his money.

3. I didn’t get carded when I bought a bottle of whiskey today, do you think it’s because it was so expensive?

4. Does anyone have a recommendation for a highly advanced yoga class nearby?

5. I’m so frustrated, all my pants are loose after starting this new workout.

6. My son asked what Mt Dew was today. I was so proud he didn’t know. I drink like 2 gallons of water a day, I like to think he gets it from me.

7. My 5k this morning was not good. I felt so tired and I think I might be running on a sprained ankle. My husband said 3rd place in my age group is amazing, maybe it’s ok, IDK?

8. I was so frustrated when I went to the gym this morning. I must have gotten hit on about 10 times.

9. Disney must love us, I think this is our 40th trip with the family.

10. I was sitting in first class today (on my flight to New York for work) and this guy sitting by me looked just like my ex who is a doctor. Small world!